I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
