I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
