Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
thus making me awesome and them whores
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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