I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
