I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
