this beer tastes like vomit already
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
