Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
