I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
