Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She just used a chaser for red wine.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
