Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
