8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
