Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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