dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
