he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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