the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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