never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
