Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
