I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
