never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
