I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
