I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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