my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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