I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
