I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
