i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
