Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
