I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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