watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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