we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
