Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize