she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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