Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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