just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
