I haven't been this sober since birth.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Someone shattered a urinal.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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