so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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