you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
