TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
