Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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