we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
this hospital has no fireball
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
