She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
