is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
