the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
