you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
