my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
