Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
