my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
