the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My vagina just clenched in fear
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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