i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
