I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
