how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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