I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it's like iHOP with fire
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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