Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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