They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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