do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
