Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
