I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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